Purposeful Parent Tip: It takes more than wishing to make your dreams and goals come true.
My daughter has just learned a valuable life lesson. As you know, my kids and I spent time on New Year’s Eve morning writing out our aspirations and goals for 2013. One of my daughter’s goals was to not argue with me as much. That goal came crashing down in a fiery ball the other night.
People think because I write about mindful parenting practices that I never have any challenges with my children – that we are all happy-go-lucky folks floating on a cloud of familial love and peace. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that just ain’t so.
We argue. We say mean things. We get angry. Why? Because we are human. That’s why. Being mindful and purposeful means you are AWARE of your parenting weaknesses and you do your best to fix them. It doesn’t mean you have all the answers and are a parenting expert.
Ok…back to the other night. My daughter has been experiencing some of the ill-effects of puberty. Mood swings, changes in behavior, lapses of judgment – sound familiar? (As a pre-menopausal woman, I have to admit to these same symptoms. My poor son!) Without going into the gory details, let’s just say we had some ‘words’ and she got sent to bed early.
After about 20 minutes, I decided to go into her room so we could talk about what happened. We talked about the importance of our words and the tone in our voices. We talked about having respect for your mother. We talked about making an effort to think before you speak.
Through her tears, she mumbled…”But I put on my 2013 goals that I didn’t want us to fight anymore and it’s happening already.” I smiled in my head and explained to my daughter that simply writing down a goal does not make it happen. There’s no magic. It takes effort, practice, and determination.
“Tomorrow is a new day so we can start all over again,” I said to her. Feeling somewhat relieved, she gave me a big hug and went to sleep.
As I walked out of her room, I realized that this was a BIG lesson for her to learn and how blessed she was to learn it at such an early age. It’s wonderful to have goals and to write them down. As I said in my previous post, goals that are written down are more likely to be accomplished than those that are left in our heads. However, just because you write them down does not make them happen. You need to take action, you need to make decisions and choices, and you need to have a plan.
Interestingly, my daughter and I were on the same page as far as writing down goals. I’ve been writing a particular business goal for over two years. Has it happened? Nope. Why? Because I had no plan. I thought “magically” just because I’d written down the goal, that the forces of the universe would collaborate to bring it to fruition.
Nope.
That realization (tough as it was to accept) pushed me to change my plan of action to make that goal achievable. My activities this year are more targeted, more focused. Will I achieve the goal? I don’t know. But if I do, it won’t be by magic, but by a well-thought out and well-executed plan.
Are you waiting for your New Year’s resolutions to magically happen? Do you think those ten pounds will just fall off? Or do you have concrete steps to make it happen like joining a gym or hiring a health coach? My guess is that the person who does this is the one who will succeed and the other person waiting for the stardust to fall will have the same resolution on their list in 2014.
Which person are you?