Approval. Who Needs It?

Purposeful Parent Tip:  The only person your child needs to impress is themselves.

The other day I was at my MasterMind meeting. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, a MasterMind group is a collection of individuals (in my case, these are fellow mompreneurs), who brainstorm, coach, support each other in the achievement of their business goals. We were reviewing our action items and one of my peers noted that one of my action items did not marry up to my overall vision. Oops!

I stopped for a moment and thought about this. Why was it there? Why, when I teach my small business classes students of the importance of clear activities that support their overall vision, was I doing the exact opposite? Not exactly walking the walk now am I?

Here’s the bottom line. Somehow I thought these items were in some way related to my vision and deserved a spot. But the clearer I got about what I wanted to accomplish next year through these meetings, the more and more I could see that not only did they not belong there, but I never should’ve included them in the first place. They were distractions that kept me from achieving my vision. Why were they there then?

Here’s why. I didn’t want to disappoint the person who’d asked me to do them. I didn’t want to say “no”.

Whew – big light bulb moment right there! When it was suggested that I remove them and alert the requestors that I’d no longer be involved in these projects, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was able to see more clearly the path and action items to my vision.

I was thinking about this meeting as my daughter was preparing for a role in her Christmas play. While it was only a few lines, she was excited to be a part of it. During rehearsals, a few of her fellow “actors” were making comments about her performance that made her question herself. She wondered if she should be doing some things differently.

I asked her if she was happy with herself and how she was delivering her lines or singing her songs. Her response was a resounding ‘yes’. “Then that’s all that matters”, I
said to her. I explained that no one else’s opinion mattered and that if she was doing her best and she was happy with it, then she should continue to perform the way she wanted.  Trying to get other’s approval would only serve to frustrate her and lower her self-confidence.

While everyone wants to ‘fit in’ at the ripe old age of ten, there comes a time when you have to be strong enough in yourself to ignore the opinions of others and stand on your own. This may not be her ‘aha moment’ to discover this about herself, but if she can learn this lesson now, she will be able to save herself from years of approval-seeking behaviors that only serve to diminish her spirit.

Both my daughter and I shared in the learning of an important lesson this week. The only person you need to impress is yourself. No one else’s opinion matters. Do what you love and what feels right in your heart and your vision will come to fruition. And above all, don’t be afraid to say “no” if your activities don’t help you to achieve your goals.

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