I’ve written many times of my disdain for “middles”, “in-betweens”, otherwise known as “the process”. As you know, I’m a goal-oriented person and once I envision the goal, I want to see it come to fruition. Oh, and if it happens quickly, even better!
When things looked like they might not end up the way I wanted, I quickly put together a Plan B. Rarely did I have to go to Plan C. That would be considered failure in my grade book as a parent or human for that matter.
There are a lot of in-betweens going on in my house as of late. I’m in-between jobs, my daughter is in-between high school years and my son is in-between college and career. A plethora of middles!
For someone who doesn’t like middles, I’m being bombarded by them. Do you think I’m to learn a lesson here? I believe you are correct.
While I consider myself a quick study, I haven’t gotten this lesson yet. I haven’t fully assimilated the value of the time between creation of goal and accomplishment of goal. Why? Because it entails waiting.
Waiting. I’m not good at it. I don’t like to wait. This didn’t happen recently. I’ve always been this way. I was always looking for the next thing to happen. The next year older. The next milestone. The next accomplishment. I deemed the steps along the way as nuisances, something to just get through begrudgingly until I could cross the finish line and win my prize.
However, with three people under one roof going through so many different things, it’s impossible to ignore all of the steps. Impossible to rush the end result. In short, we are all waiting.
Sadly (or not), I usually learn things the hard way. Given my innate sense of efficiency and “dog on a bone” approach to using every nanosecond of the day, you’d think I’d want to learn quickly – to get it right away. Nope.
People smarter than I have told me what to do in my various sticky situations and while I openly sought their feedback, I inevitably ended up doing it my way. Sometimes this worked, often times not. Ok, most of the time.
My inner circle of close friends have been doing their best to steer me away from my goal-oriented self and to focus on the process. I gotta give them credit. They weren’t going down without a fight.
While I politely agreed with their advice, I chalked it up to them trying to convert me from a Type A -plus lunatic to their more relaxed Type B personality; a more go with the flow lifestyle.
Really? Me? Go with the flow? This would take an act of God. But as you know, God works in mysterious ways.
My son is saving for his first car. It took him a while to settle on the model he wants, but he is 99% certain. He is working part-time while taking a summer class.
He actively researches the car’s features and monitors his bank account regularly after payday to calculate how long it will take him to save up his portion of the payment. He admonishes the IRS and Social Security for “stealing” his money. Money that could be used to get him his car faster.
One day, out of nowhere, he exclaimed, “I just want to have all the money and go buy my car! This waiting is killing me! How can I make it happen faster?”
Out of the mouths of babes. (Ok, well 18 year-olds).
All of a sudden, it became crystal clear to me. He’s doing what I do. He’s bucking this process thing!
I found myself in an odd predicament. My process-hating self had to explain to my son that this time of waiting was a part of the process. This in-between time is how we can measure our progress against the goals we’ve set. It’s important to celebrate each day’s accomplishments and revel in how they are getting us closer to what we want. It may be painful at times, but in the end, worth it.
What? Who said that? My peeps would be so proud of me. (I’m still not gonna join their Type B club!)
Here’s what I’m learning (the hard way I might add). There IS value in the process. During this time of expectation, we have the ability to re calibrate our goals, to ensure they are really what we want.
My son started out being steadfast in his decision to go with a Toyota Corolla. During the process, he migrated to the Honda Civic and other sub-compact car brands. He’s now settled on the Hyundai Elantra. Had he accumulated the money he needed in those first weeks, it’s likely he’d have bought the Corolla and possibly been disappointed. But because he’s working his way through the process, he’s narrowing his choices and not settling for something he may not be happy with in the long term.
I can look back over my life and see many instances in which this approach would’ve benefited me, but…spilled milk. The lesson has been learned now. Better late than never.
What’s more important is that my very young son has learned it a k-billion years earlier than I did. Now he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life hating middles. He can embrace them for what they are…
While I suspect there will be many more opportunities for me to return to the dark side, I feel confident that with this new awareness, I won’t be headed there any time soon.