A Different Valentine’s Day

mom awardAs we approach Valentine’s Day, most everyone’s thoughts are focused on how they are going to best demonstrate the love they have for the people in their lives.

For many, Valentine’s Day is a day of stress over how to choose the perfect gift that proves how much each loves the other. Inevitably, someone is disappointed. You hear it time and time again about how a spouse or partner just didn’t get it right.

 

“Don’t they know me at all?” “What were they thinking?” “They must not love me as much as I thought.”

Sound familiar? Sadly, for many people, these questions will be all too familiar in a few days. But here’s a novel thought for you to consider:

Instead of looking to others to prove their love for you with some trinket or demonstration of affection, why not do this for yourself? What are YOU doing to love loveyourself unconditionally?

While this is not common with men, I do hear a lot of self-bashing from women. They’re either too this or too that, they can’t do this or that well enough, they hate this or that about themselves – the list goes on and on. The fact is, we don’t like ourselves very much and so we look to outside sources to cover up this self-loathing or require them to fill a void no human can fill.

Basing our happiness on whether someone else loves us is like looking for water in a dry well. It ain’t gonna happen. Until we love ourselves, faults and all, we will never be happy with anyone’s attempts at love for us. Those poor people never have a chance because the well is too big and they can’t fill it.

In fact, nothing can. Not a cool job. Not a fun car. Not a new dress. Nothing. And more importantly, if we feel this way and our children see it, we’re setting a poor example for them.

“The sins of the fathers are to be laid upon the children.” William Shakespeare 

I’m not sure what made this quote pop into my head or why I thought it was something I wanted to share with you in a Valentine’s Day message until the other day. Then it became clear as a bell.

Your children look to you as the primary example of how to live life. If you love and appreciate yourself (not arrogantly but honestly and respectfully), then they will feel the same about themselves. If they see you continually beating yourself up (i.e. ‘the sins of the fathers’), what does this teach them?

It shows them that you are insecure, sad, fearful, guilt-ridden, and that you don’t like yourself. Is this the example you want to set? I doubt it. Actions speak louder than words. Your children need (and want!) to see their parents as happy and confident so they can model the same in their lives.

Whatever is ‘wrong’ with you, I encourage you to take a closer look. It’s likely this horrible thing you believe about yourself is simply a lie and now it’s time to let it go.

I want to encourage you to make a decision to start a love walk with yourself this Valentine’s Day. Write down all the things that are RIGHT with you – your gifts, talents, personality traits – all of it. Then, anytime one of those lies tries to find its way back into your thoughts, you can cast it out with this list of truths.

This Valentine’s Day, put a little love in your own heart!

Jen’s Gem: Love Yourself Unconditionally.

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