Are you a waffle or a pancake? Odd question, I know, but this analogy came to me the other day during my commute to work in thinking about the importance of being consistent in parenting. So why the comparison to two well-loved breakfast foods?
Picture a waffle. It has both ridges and flat areas. It is both crispy and chewy. In other words, it’s inconsistent. A pancake, on the other hand, is smooth all over and soft. Pretty consistent, yes?
What does this have to do with parenting? The answers to the following questions may help clear up this weird analogy.
- When you give your child an ultimatum, do you carry through with it? For example, if the consequence for not doing a chore is the removal of a privilege, do you take something away or, ignore the infraction? A “yes” response to this question means you’re a waffle. You said one thing, but you did another.
- If you make a decision on something, do you stick with it each and every time? That is, if you decide that there’s no television on school nights, does that stand even when there’s no homework? If so, you’re a pancake.
Kids can see through us like a clear glass window on a sunny day. They know when we are not being honest and they know when they can ‘get one over on us.’ They’re smart critters! This transparency plays a crucial role in how we parent, which is why it is so important to be consistent.
Let me share a personal example. Neither of my children have any presence online. That means no Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram, no – whatever the newest social media app is out there. I made this decision years ago actually before my kids even knew what these outlets were. I read about the horrific things that kids were doing and saying to each other with cyber-bullying and worse, what adults were doing. These two things alone were enough to convince me to keep them far away from the world wide web.
Then I thought ahead to the day they would be applying to colleges and jobs. We all know that before the application is even reviewed, their names would become a Google search, and anything and everything they’d ever done online would be right there – for the world to see.
Having been in the corporate world for most of my career and knowing how the recruiting process works, I knew that I had to ensure that my children put their best foot forward. Having a questionable social media presence was a surefire way to get them disqualified from scholarships, entry to their desired college, or their dream job. Nope. Not happening on my watch.
Some may consider this harsh. Some may think I’m being a helicopter parent. That’s ok. I made this decision and I’m not changing my mind. I’m a pancake.
If you ‘bend the rules’ or go back on your word, you teach your child that they can manipulate you and that your words mean nothing. While they may think they’ve gotten away with something, what you’ve really taught them is not to trust. That’s right. If you say one thing and do another, you cannot be trusted. Actions speak louder than words.
I encourage you to think about this. Where in your parenting are you waffling? Have there been times when your actions don’t match your words? It’s time to ‘fess up. I’m not saying you need to be a drill sergeant, but don’t make up rules or dole out consequences if you can’t follow through.
Step away from the waffles and embrace being a pancake parent!
Jen’s Gem: Match your words to your actions.