Purposeful Parent Tip:  Encourage your children to push through their
fears.

“How do you do it Jennifer?”  While I do get asked this question alot, I remember the first time I heard it. It was from a colleague of mine during a lunch meeting after I had just published my baby journal, My Life. She had seen me through the challenges of my full-time job, a divorce, getting my MBA (while going through a divorce), and starting a small business. “You exhaust me!” she commented.

Sometimes I exhaust myself! I’ve always been an overachiever. It’s a blessing and a curse quite frankly. A blessing in that, yes, I’m able to get a lot accomplished, and a curse, as the expectations for myself are at times, well, unreasonable. My response to people is usually, “I’m no different than anyone else” to which I usually get a puzzled look with a retort of “Uh, yeah, you kind of are!”

I’ve said it many times. I live by to-do lists. Crossing off the various projects as they are completed brings me a sense of accomplishment. Tackling a new challenge, full of fear and doubt, drives me. I go through every door that has been opened to me and I’m not satisfied with the status quo. Because of this I’ve done some great things but I’ve also fallen on my face too. And believe me, it wasn’t pretty.

But isn’t that what life is all about? If we don’t push ourselves to do new things, try harder, what kind of life are we really living? And more importantly, what legacy are we leaving our children if we continually shy away from a new challenge? Ok, ok – it is possible to overdo it, I agree. And as I get older and am moving a bit slower, I’m being
forced to curtail many of my endeavors, but my children see me trying. They hear me say things like, “Let’s try it. What’s the worst that can happen?”

I’ve been lucky enough to have been a guest on a few radio and TV programs to promote my business, Frittabello. After my first TV appearance, my kids asked if I was scared. I told them, of course I was, but I did it anyway. “How?” they asked. “Isn’t it easier to just not do it?”  Yes – it is easier to just say no, but then the reward for doing it goes out the window.

I push both of my kids continually to do things they are afraid of. My son, who is the quieter, more introverted child, (ok, his teachers would SO disagree with me on this!), has to be pushed a bit harder than my daughter, the social butterfly. He tends to shy away from things that scare him. At times, a simple nudge will propel him forward. Other times, it’s a firm push.

Am I being mean? Am I overdoing it? Maybe. But, to paraphrase Oprah: This I know for sure. If they don’t do it now, they will never do it. If they don’t see that they can push through a particular fear, it will cripple them their whole life. If they don’t stand on their own two feet, with no one to help them, they will forever depend on someone else. To me, that’s a prison you can never escape.

Coincidentally, the day I was writing this blog, a friend sent me the following quote which I think says it all.

“People think chutzpah is in the genes. It isn’t.. it’s in the needing and wanting and being willing to fall on your face. It isn’t fun. Who wants all that rejection, but life is sweeter if you make yourself do uncomfortable things.”  Helen Gurley Brown, author, publisher, and businesswoman.

Don’t be afraid to push your kids. They are more resilient than you think and they will be grateful for your little nudges when they come face-to-face with the larger challenges of their adult life.

Go on. Give a little push.