The other day at the dinner table, my daughter said something very profound. I had just told her to do something and she said, “But you don’t do it.” My response was “I’m the parent and sometimes you just have to do as I say.” Her response to my old-school parenting was, “so you’re saying that you are a “do as I say parent, not a do as I do parent.”
Yikes! Where did that come from? I’m amazed at the things that come out of my 10-year old daughter’s mouth sometimes but she calls ‘em as she sees ‘em.
The truth is, yes, there are times when what I say goes and there’s no discussion or negotiation. That’s called being a parent. But, when I model behavior that contradicts what I’m telling my children to do, that’s called setting a bad example.
Children learn more from how you act and behave than what you say. And for those of you who have teenagers at home, they learn nothing from what you say because they are no longer listening!
While I commended my daughter for giving me the inspiration for this blog topic, more importantly, she made me take note and examine the type of parent I am and the example I am setting.
Do my words always match my actions? I have to say, no. Not always. Like many of you, the intentions are in the right place, but the results are not always on target. For example, I want them to be tolerant of all people, but then they see me yelling at the driver who just cut me off and nearly killed us. I want them to be patient and wait their turn, but then they see me growing frustrated over how slow the checkout line is. I want
them to appreciate what they have right now, but then I speak of the future more than the present.
Hmmm. I suspect I am not unlike many of you out there striving to do what’s right, but at times falling short. Let’s face it being a parent is tough at times and it’s challenging to always do the right thing and set the best example when “life” throws you some curve balls.
Perhaps you can simply hope that more often than not, your example speaks more than your words. Perhaps you can hope that your teenage son remembers the words you said to him when he actually cared what you had to say. Perhaps your astute daughter who clearly sees through you will recognize that sometimes even Mom makes mistakes but she’s trying her best.
There’s no shame in inconsistency – we’re all guilty of it at times. We all make mistakes. Being aware, making a change, and doing your best is the best way to right what’s wrong and get on the track of being a ‘do as I do parent.’
Jen’s Pearl: Be the example you want your children to follow. It’s hard to be consistent but it’s necessary to build trust.